hopeless again TT

Today was holiday but didnt hang out just bcoz lack of money and 

I havent have some job and quite hard to continued my tokyo life

Does foreigner do anything wrong in saitama and until those owner dun wan hire me!

so many job here and all just available for japanese or???

If foreigner can do it well,why doesnt let them try??><

really cant understand those old japanese thinking or foreigner were monster?

Alien??!!

i just need some job probably i stay at home like a housewife?

should i call myself housewife or ?

i just keep thinking i was just a jobless gal and wasting time in this busy city!

everyday i just keep staying at home without any income and...keep wasting 

time on study kanji and those hard japanese manner and ...test!

i should go to school and have my uni life again!

and my thesis ! whats goin on my thesis and i have just done it but havent did the graph yet ><

planning goin bac uni and let my lecturer check my thesis but really no money and 

energy......T^T

frankly speaking i should beg my frenz or wish they could intro some job for me !

But i didint! bcoz i never bow my head to others!

Lets talk about that....it doesnt means i never but i cant do that to them..

Since i know they dun treat me as fren anymore so im not that shameless you know?

when somebody wasnt treat you nicely as before so dun beg them 

This is what my mom told me....i know i need to be more independent

more and more and more....someone to trust and someone to tell!

I rather tell my secret all to the mice than telling someone who just simple judge me

I hate somebody who just simply heard from someone and judge me with nothing else

I rather im doin something worng than nothing!

And i know all the frenz around me(You know im not talking about You guys and dun admit it)

were just make use of ME!

Im not judging you you can just simply pass by ok???

im just be tired of surrounded by those bitch/bustard !

(sorry if my word might hurt you...><

I just mean somebody and not of my lovely frenz)

My mood today before 6pm>>>60~90

after received a call from XXX

6.38pm my mood was become>>>0~10

Im look like a death person...no heartbeat ya...

too weak for me to received the bad news that im failed again !

Isnt so hard to work a partime job in tokyo

Is time to face all the stress and problem here right now!

And now im having a glass of wine everynight hope it can help me sleep tight and 

no nightmare

no stress

no worries

GOD i just want a sweet dream and lovely night ^^

XOXO